A Quiver Full Of Queries

Have you ever craved for something so bad that you’ve actually worked for a year n a half just for that? Whatever you’ve done, howsoever you’ve thought, everything for that ultimate goal? Have you ever consoled yourself, every time u had a bad day, that you at least you have a master plan that can negate a lot of your short comings? Have you ever slept blissfully knowing that the moment you drift off, u have a dream to soothe you off your day’s tiredness?

And now the bouncer – Have you ever seen that very dream dissolving right before your eyes? Have you ever gotten haunted by a mistake you’d made long back in your life, right in that very dream of yours? Have you ever experienced the pain it causes when u lose the very support system of your being? Do you know how it feels when you are aware that a single fig can help you from drowning, but you hands aren’t long enough to reach the nearest bunch?

I don’t know the kind of life you’ve lived. But I’d certainly love you to leave a few lines if you can answer a few of my queries. I’m asking you, ‘coz probably I don’t know the answers myself…or probably I do, just isn’t too easy for me to admit the same!

Just A Li'l Of My Idiosyncrasies...

Wow, now this is interesting. There have been times when I used to blog once/twice a day. And now, I'm down to once in a month. And that too, 'coz I get constantly coaxed by my girl friend, the only person I know who feels people actually wanna read what I write in here! Well, may the devil bless her!!

Seriously, life's been so bloody disorganized these days. My end semesters got over a week back, and yet here I am, rotting in this hole, hoping to lap up a good project for the winter. Well, I wish all the best to all who are trying with me. Hope our efforts don't go down the drain! And well, to top things up, screwed things a li'l bit with a friend of mine, last night. Then there are assignments et al to catch up on. Haven't been hitting the bed these days before 5 in the morning. Frequency's gone up to about 15 sticks a day. Have no idea when I have my food and when I don't. And then again, there's incessant power cut to screw things up some more. Is this the kinda life I dreamt of? Is this the kinda life I'd want to live? I don't know! That is the problem, I just have no clue where my life is heading to. The results are expected to be out in a few days...and I already know that I'm flunking in one of them. As for the rest, may the devil himself save me! Mom got operated a week back. And what am I doing here? Y am I even pretending that I wanna get my academic career back on track? Am I writing too much of personal stuff for the world to read? Well, I don't care...I don't give a flying fuck, anymore. I've been humiliated enough, I've been spit upon enough...I don't think I'd hardly care about some more. I know, there are still people in this cosmos who love me...I know there are people who still feel I have it in me to turn the tides....and u knw what the worst thing is? I feel so too. I just can't fathom what's stopping me from turning back...what's preventing me from demanding my dues! Can you? Do you know what the shit's going on in mah head? Do u think things can get better? Or have things gone beyond repair? What do you say?

I have faith,you have faith,He doesnt... will you help him restore Faith?

I know that this word "Faith" has lots of different meaning to ot of people..... I know that every morning when people look up in the sky they re affirm their existence and their firm faith in humanity... if not the God above.. and above all.. a faith in themselves that motivates them to move forward and live life.

A very close friend of mine has been facing lots of difficulties, he happens to be a college student and well... despite being very bright his luck has been devoiding him of results that he is expecting. It might be that he is not working hard or hard enough. But all this turmoil around him has all of a sudden made him a person who has lost all faith.. even in himself, though I feel that we can help him get over this.

He is gonna have a major test, and a final obstacle that he has to clear in order to break the chain of losses, but if he doesnt make thru this, I know its gonna break him completely and I would lose someone very special and close to my heart to circumstances that could have been in his favour.

No I dont want donations or chain letters, All I want is that whenever you pray next, to whomsoever be God or nature or anything, Just pray that My friends faith in humanity and in himself is restored.
Please pray for his Victory.
Thank you....

Divert You Course...!!

This is the actual radio conversation of a US Naval Ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three Destroyers, thre Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter measures shall be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a Light House. Your call now.

The Pitfalls of "Romantic" Love....

And then she says….. “ Sweetheart, I am sorry… but I just don’t love you any more”. So what do you think happens after these few words are spoken? A nice break up na…!!! Well that is the most common belief, but contrary to this belief of ours and the notion of the poets, for any relationship, fight is the sweetest thing.. and the best part of it all is the making up. Because not only does the kiss matter but another thing that does matter is the bond between the two. It strengthens.. leaving the couple happier.

Its not that I'm against Romantic love… but… it's often vaporous and empty, especially if combined with unrealizable hopes. Romantic love - often unrequited and bitter-sweet - can confuse the real meaning of caring, and here is why…

Love is Unrealistic - A couple walking down the beach into the sunset holding hands… makes a lovely picture. But the reality is that two people don’t stay like that except for the holidays. These two have to stay with the wrinkles, pimples and the sags. The romantic vision only puts more distance between the two lovers, since they try to grasp the dream rather than the real person in themselves. The dream must be relinquished in order to enjoy the real thing. Finding real love means abandoning the mystique of romantic love. Hold on to the qualities of each other, making them as a base for the contact between the two of you. Then love takes on known realities, and liking, and caring, and sharing becomes a part of the intimate relation.

Love expects too much in return - Believe this, love actually seduces a couple to make demands…pardon that… serious demands. Partners in a relationship must realize that space is very important… in every relationship. Caring is letting go and not holding on…!!!! To feel special or important to a companion is the wish of most humans. But to be possessive to the point of paranoia is self defeating.

Love wants unconditional acceptance - All of us feel that we will find a partner out of the fairytales who is gonna give us whatever we have missed in life…. Love seduces us into believing that. But the most we can expect is a partner who is compassionate and understanding. One of the more important signs of maturity is the realization and acceptance of the fact that no one can FULLY understand any other being. As a pair, you must enjoy and accept what you have...howsoever imperfect, without always demanding more.

Love expects you to be a Mind reader- No body can read another person's mind.. even if it's your own life partner or someone you love. Unless couples learn to be direct about their feelings and desires, communication remains complicated and garbled. Partners stumble and fall over unspoken messages. Love must not tempt us into believing that mind reading is part of living together. Openness brings the cool relief of intimacy.

Love fosters subservience- Both males and females have same emotional needs but traditionally, the male is the macho and female is the frail one...this has been creating a lot of havoc. But today, they both realize that they have similar needs.. even if their tasks and talents are not equal. Once this fairness has been established, a pair will enjoy a sense of utility.
The only kind of love that works is the one which allows both partners to feel esteemed and important . When a mate cares, the strongest support is provided by a few words and the willingness to listen, not by always doing something for the other.

Love refuses to change - “Why can't the things be like they used to be…??” But all the pounding on the doors of time can't bring back a single second of past intimacy. Unless companions live-in together now, they cannot live together at all…!!!

It's always good to remember that transitions are not endings but new beginnings…closed relationships moult just as snakes shed their skins. Once a couple let go of their past.. they can enjoy each other through a variety of new experiences. Enjoying the present permits a comfortable nostalgia for the past.

I am always right…. Both the partners are right in the way they feel. Feelings cannot be argued; they can only be accepted or rejected. Couples get in trouble when they feel & think differently. Emotions are tied to self esteem and expressing understanding of another's emotions is the beginning of psychological equality. Bonds are strengthened when couples can accept each other's feelings without being threatened.

Trust each other over all behaviour - all the gestures, thoughtfulness, words and deeds - to convey the caring that leads to intimacy. Real caring can be expressed without the need for the constant repetition of “I love you” as reassurance.

Human closeness comes naturally when its not confused with or sabotaged by the abstractions of romantic love. When two people come through kindness, tenderness, liking and caring they can discover an intimacy that endures…!!

PS: Above lines have been taken from an article. I wanted to share it with everybody coz.. everyone in his life.. falls in love at least once...!!

My Life...!!

A forked path in this road I encounter,
As I tread alone in this journey called Life.
Putting one foot ahead of the other,
I have trudged so far -
Never thinking, never feeling, never living,
Just existing
In this hollow world that has been created for me.
But now, faced with a choice, I stop.

Taking an uneven breath for the first tme since I started
My journey of constants, constants thrust upon me,
I slowly look up.
Two divergent paths, two divergent roads
A choice that I can make for myself, at last.

I look at the two paths ahead of me.
The one to the right has all I yearn for -
Love. Hope. Warmth. Strength. Courage. Desire.
A home in a quiet place,
Someone to hold me in her warm embrace.
A beacon of amber light; my only salvation in this darkness,
Calling out to me - welcoming me, wanting me, warming me.
My eyes, alive and bright for the first time,
Turn to the other half of the fork.
Darkness - a cloud of never ending darkness shrouding the path
Looms ahead of me.
Colder than the devil's heart,
It chills me to the very depth of my soul.

Which one should I choose?
Although the answer should've been obvious,
With a sinking feeling in my stomach,
With a deep pain cleaving my heart,
My illusion shatter into a thousand pieces
And I am jarred back into my reality.
The stark realisation that
I cannot choose my own path;
Someone has already chosen it for me.

This truth, this profound knowledge, is the only truth in my life.
The glimmer of light, the flicker of hope,
Fades from my eyes as it does from my life,
And just as the weak bows down to the empowered,
I do, in acceptance of my fate.
My eyes, the windows to my soul, assume their normal state of emptiness.
Steeling myself for the never-ending, ever-losing battle that lies ahead,
I take a deep breath.
My life, with its constants & misery,
Settles around my shoulders like a well-worn cloak.
Looking around for the shards of my being,
I find none; this nothingness is all that is left of me.
Looking to my right one last time,
I draw on the last vestiges of my strength & forge ahead.
Further & further from the warm amber glow,
Deeper and deeper into the cloud with no silver lining,
Walking the path of my shattered hopes and dreams.
Welcome to My Life!!

Durge Durgatinashini...!!

So...Durga Puja's finally here & what more...Ashtami just got over today. Well, true...the festival basically belongs to the eastern sector of the country...and although it's celebrated with much ado & ethos, I won't say Durga Pujas in Mumbai rock as much as they do in good ol' Kolkata. Consequently, there was no surprise at all when I found out, till late Saptami, that life isn't really happening out here! If you've ever been to West Bengal or Orissa in this season, I can bet my tongue on it, you won't find a single alley where u won't be reminded of the festival. Moreover, the way the fest's celebrated in the monetary capital of the country is a li'l too sophisticated for me, what with the greatest of the filmstars bagging the prestigious tag of organisors themselves!

Anyways, I did happen to visit a few pandals yesterday & today morning. They were good enough experiences for me. Seriously, couldn't expect much better out here. Yet, happened to find some lighter moments even outta those. Here comes a li'l collage of the pix I'd taken when I was out & about, searching for and shooting interesting subjects...basically anything that interested me. Truthfully, I'd taken at least 10 times the number of pics I've posted out here, but then I decided no point eating up your internet bandwidth with all of my idiosyncrasies.

That's the entrance of the Durga Puja pandal organised by Rani Mukherjee & Kajol's family.

This is from Bangur Nagar, Goregaon (W). One of the few old ones which are not sponsored by movie stars.

This idol was in Santacruz, the one sponsored by the Mukherjees.

A more close-up version of Maa Durga.

One of the perks of staying in the city of stars. But seriously, this is the first time I've ever seen Nana Patekar this close! Simply adore this guy!!

Hmm...now wot do I say about this star? I just wish he had a li'l less of both weight & lockets. *LoL*

She is one of my most fav singers of the current generation....Lemme introduce Shreya Ghoshal, folks!!

That's Ila Arun & members of Li'l Champs...the finalists of TVS Sa Re Ga Ma.

Seriously, that's the kinda turnout u can find in almost every pandal, at any given time of day & night!

That's Mumbai traffic at 3 A.M. (Bloody hell!!)

Who said Bong babes aren't sexy..?? ;-)

During Puja days, even the "oldies" like to have adda all thru the night!

Be it the shaadi, puja or award ceremony, sponsors are always mandatory!!

All you need to offer, to get such a huge turn out, is free food!

Here are the servers...Hehe..!!

Empty chairs....people haven't gotten their bhog, you know!

The very same chairs...!

I think some dude just proposed to her...wot do u think?

Any wacky ideas on what the kid might be trying to do?? ;-)

Could you believe it that this kid was actually lost when I'd snapped the pic?

There's Mr Abhijeet Bhattacharya, one of the most prominent Durga Puja organisors!!

Now, wot do u perceive of this man, from this pic?

But then again, I forgave him when I saw this avataar of his! :-P

Well...that is all, as of now, from the lens of my camera. Shall surely post some more soon. Till then...Adios...Sayonara!!