The Pitfalls of "Romantic" Love....

And then she says….. “ Sweetheart, I am sorry… but I just don’t love you any more”. So what do you think happens after these few words are spoken? A nice break up na…!!! Well that is the most common belief, but contrary to this belief of ours and the notion of the poets, for any relationship, fight is the sweetest thing.. and the best part of it all is the making up. Because not only does the kiss matter but another thing that does matter is the bond between the two. It strengthens.. leaving the couple happier.

Its not that I'm against Romantic love… but… it's often vaporous and empty, especially if combined with unrealizable hopes. Romantic love - often unrequited and bitter-sweet - can confuse the real meaning of caring, and here is why…

Love is Unrealistic - A couple walking down the beach into the sunset holding hands… makes a lovely picture. But the reality is that two people don’t stay like that except for the holidays. These two have to stay with the wrinkles, pimples and the sags. The romantic vision only puts more distance between the two lovers, since they try to grasp the dream rather than the real person in themselves. The dream must be relinquished in order to enjoy the real thing. Finding real love means abandoning the mystique of romantic love. Hold on to the qualities of each other, making them as a base for the contact between the two of you. Then love takes on known realities, and liking, and caring, and sharing becomes a part of the intimate relation.

Love expects too much in return - Believe this, love actually seduces a couple to make demands…pardon that… serious demands. Partners in a relationship must realize that space is very important… in every relationship. Caring is letting go and not holding on…!!!! To feel special or important to a companion is the wish of most humans. But to be possessive to the point of paranoia is self defeating.

Love wants unconditional acceptance - All of us feel that we will find a partner out of the fairytales who is gonna give us whatever we have missed in life…. Love seduces us into believing that. But the most we can expect is a partner who is compassionate and understanding. One of the more important signs of maturity is the realization and acceptance of the fact that no one can FULLY understand any other being. As a pair, you must enjoy and accept what you have...howsoever imperfect, without always demanding more.

Love expects you to be a Mind reader- No body can read another person's mind.. even if it's your own life partner or someone you love. Unless couples learn to be direct about their feelings and desires, communication remains complicated and garbled. Partners stumble and fall over unspoken messages. Love must not tempt us into believing that mind reading is part of living together. Openness brings the cool relief of intimacy.

Love fosters subservience- Both males and females have same emotional needs but traditionally, the male is the macho and female is the frail one...this has been creating a lot of havoc. But today, they both realize that they have similar needs.. even if their tasks and talents are not equal. Once this fairness has been established, a pair will enjoy a sense of utility.
The only kind of love that works is the one which allows both partners to feel esteemed and important . When a mate cares, the strongest support is provided by a few words and the willingness to listen, not by always doing something for the other.

Love refuses to change - “Why can't the things be like they used to be…??” But all the pounding on the doors of time can't bring back a single second of past intimacy. Unless companions live-in together now, they cannot live together at all…!!!

It's always good to remember that transitions are not endings but new beginnings…closed relationships moult just as snakes shed their skins. Once a couple let go of their past.. they can enjoy each other through a variety of new experiences. Enjoying the present permits a comfortable nostalgia for the past.

I am always right…. Both the partners are right in the way they feel. Feelings cannot be argued; they can only be accepted or rejected. Couples get in trouble when they feel & think differently. Emotions are tied to self esteem and expressing understanding of another's emotions is the beginning of psychological equality. Bonds are strengthened when couples can accept each other's feelings without being threatened.

Trust each other over all behaviour - all the gestures, thoughtfulness, words and deeds - to convey the caring that leads to intimacy. Real caring can be expressed without the need for the constant repetition of “I love you” as reassurance.

Human closeness comes naturally when its not confused with or sabotaged by the abstractions of romantic love. When two people come through kindness, tenderness, liking and caring they can discover an intimacy that endures…!!

PS: Above lines have been taken from an article. I wanted to share it with everybody coz.. everyone in his life.. falls in love at least once...!!

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